The Lewinsky-Clinton trial could go on for about two years only in the United States, in a country without a sense of humor. How stupid the majority is! They are seriously discussing: guilty, not guilty. Worldwide crisis. The scale of the reasons for the impeachment of the president: we have a war in Chechnya, they have - Monica has not washed her dress for several years. Congress demanded to present a composite of the body with which Clinton sought her.
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A good friend of mine, Russian professor Dmitry Urnov, works in America under a contract, teaches American literature to Americans. The worst thing for young Americans, he told me in great secrecy, is writing. “Even though Homer,” they say, “torture us. Only verbally. "
I made an interesting observation, which I shared with Urnov. I have seen Americans who needed to write something down on a piece of paper, and not just type it on a computer. I noticed that they practically do not know how to write, they have no handwriting. We, brought up in the Soviet school by the lessons of calligraphy, write easily, operating the pen with two fingers from above and only slightly pressing our thumb from below. Young Americans write with a half fist. They hold the pen with three fingers — index, middle, and ring — and operate with their thumb. This is how the monkey will grab the handle, because this is how she is used to holding the banana.
Many in America today write with their left hand only because they do not know they can write with their right. And for some, the pen generally sticks out between the index and middle fingers, as if they are showing you a fig with this pen. Young Americans have no handwriting, which means that their personality traits disappear. Handwriting is a reflection of character. Their handwriting is enough only to put a signature, because your identity is verified by the signature and it must correspond to your signature on a credit card. The signature makes sense, otherwise it doesn't. Everything is replaced by a computer.
They have a special degree of under-education! For example, one of the senior students in the linguistic department wrote: "Faust" by Van Gogh. " Urnov asked why he was wrong. After all, two days ago he answered verbally correctly: “Faust” was written by Goethe. The student's answer is unusually indicative: "I did not know how to spell Goethe." It's not that he was wrong. Another thing is important: he does not care who wrote "Faust" - Van Gogh or Goethe. This knowledge does not bring profit. He wrote something that is easier to get out of the hand. Indeed, does it really matter - Van Gogh, Goethe? I could even write "Mao Zedong" if I knew how to spell it.
The American educational system does not provide any knowledge in arithmetic, geography, or history. Thirty percent of American congressmen do not have foreign diplomatic passports, because they are not interested in other countries, America is enough for them. They are not interested in history, they are not interested in painting. In many museums that I have visited, I have seen paintings by the same, by the way, Van Gogh; the annotations to them read "Van Gogh", and then not a word about the artist himself, but a whole sheet about who bought this painting, who donated it or sold it to the museum, for how much, and so on ... They are not interested in who Van Gogh is , how he was different and why his paintings are so appreciated in the world of painting. They are interested in one thing - what is how much it costs ...
A new generation of Americans has been born, raised by a cinematic culture, who do not need anything that does not bring profit. They sincerely take comics for painting, they replaced musicals with opera, sports matches with drama. They generally consider poetry to be the result of the successful work of archaeologists, and they read literature exclusively in an adapted version. Homer, The Iliad — seven pages. Shakespeare, Complete Works - thick book, eleven pages. Moreover, Romeo and Juliet speak in an approximate language for understanding.
- I love you.
Juliet:
“And I have the same nonsense, Romeo.
In fact, America has whipped itself, punished itself. It was formed as a country of rabble who came from all over the world. Of course, romantics such as Fenimore Cooper joined the criminals who escaped punishment in their countries, adventurers, businessmen who first of all wanted to get rich, but there were so few of them that today there are almost no such people in America. left. And even the high literature born of these romantics ceased to exist. Literature and writers are the conscience of the country. There is no conscience in America today. There are no writers in America. There are those in America who write computer novels. The computer today is America's conscience.
Recently I caught myself thinking that I was already used to many good things and stopped being surprised by them. While the eye is not yet completely blurry, I want to write down those small trifles that at first amazed at every step, and now seem natural and the only possible.
The very first surprise in America. First evening. We walk near the brother's house. There is a telephone pole with a guy wire by the road. An ordinary picture, where they are not worth it. But here the lower 2 meters of the guy line is placed in a white polyethylene pipe, so that if you run into it at night, you can only sue for fear, and not for a crippled face. A trifle, but nice.
From the first day of staying in the country of unbridled capitalism, things began to fall into our eyes, without which a sixth of the land is proud to do and does not even want to want them. FOR EXAMPLE:
- Sticks for scratching the back, of all types and sizes, although, of course, their homeland is China, here they have a place to roam.
- Plastic kennels for dogs, only 200 bucks.
- Two-story fur houses for cats.
- Desktop radio with built-in telephone. $ 50.
- Device for sharpening sewing needles.
- Wooden hangers for hanging 40 women's earrings at home. I strongly suspect that women suffer all their lives, that they have only two ears and cannot wear all the earrings at once. By the way, in Zhenya's 4th grade, all the girls are already wearing earrings.
- The electric toothbrush.
- Special highly artistic wedges for securing sliding doors, $ 25. This is instead of bringing a brick from the street or propping up the door with a stake.
- Special rags for cleaning the car.
- Special polyurethane foam mat - put under your knees if you work on the floor.
- An ottoman in the form of a painted python, for plugging the gap under the door, so that it does not blow. 5 $
- A floating chair to sit on the water.
- Eyelash curler. I tested it on myself, it really works. Now I go with a curled eyelash on my right eye. How is it being promoted here?
- Nose and ear hair trimmer.
- Tweezers with a magnifying glass attached to it.
- Electronic Bible, in the form of a medium-sized calculator. $ 50. You dial the number of the psalm, and its text appears on the screen. (It remains only to attach a button, press, and the chosen prayer is carried away to the Lord God by e-mail. And in response, his mercies are brought by mail.)
- A device for fastening bracelets on a wristwatch.
- A fork with a thermometer to measure the temperature inside the fried cutlet.
We were at Home Dipo yesterday, the largest hardware store system in America. Usually these shops are about the size of a football field. All the lumber that is bought can be cut into pieces, delivered to your home, etc. But yesterday I noticed that the store held free classes on weekends on the topics "How to lay ceramic tiles", "How to paste wallpaper", How to make waterproofing "etc. What deceit are not used by vile capitalists to lure gullible buyers into their lair.
The inscription at the checkout: "If you are buying wine and you are so happy that you look so young, then you don’t take the trouble to show the document that you are already 21 years old."
The inscription on the door of the store: "Children without parents will be sold into slavery!"
There is some strange fashion here. Trucks, sprung jeeps, sports cars put wheels one or two sizes smaller than their own. Moreover, the axle is lengthened so that the wheels protrude beyond the dimensions by 20-30 cm. Every day I meet such animals, spreading out on the asphalt and winding extra miles on the speedometer.
In the USSR, postal envelopes were sealed to the very corners, so that it was more difficult to open them. Here, specifically, for ease of opening, envelopes are not sealed at the corners.
It's interesting to watch how Americans write. Firstly, there are a lot of left-handed writers here, probably 30 percent, and one can only guess how many underground left-handers were hiding between us in the union.
Secondly, it is customary to write here without connecting letters, "print" in a local way. But the most interesting thing is to watch how the Americans hold the pen. There is no single style here in this vital matter. One clamps it in his fist, the other with two fingers like a cigarette, the third wraps his wrist at a right angle and pushes a pencil into a clean space, running his hand over the text, and at the same time achieving complete "privacy". It seems that everyone has invented a way to hold on to the stylus.
Americans prefer to write with a pencil and, probably, this is from their school. If the hand reaches the pen, then it is usually black, inheriting the color of the school pencil. (Our favorite blue pen color, I guess, sits in us from the blue ink of school fountain pens from the 60s.)
In terms of stationery, America is ahead of the rest, the art of soiling paper has reached sky-high heights. Although more and more documents are being transferred to computers, the paper flow continues unabated. Typing on a computer has been taught here since the 4th grade, and without a good speed of key pressure, you cannot get a good grade.
The average American claps on the keyboard quickly enough and, of course, does not look under his fingers. Some people claim that they type faster than they write, and I tend to believe them. In the future, I guess how children at school are no longer taught to write, but only taught to drum on the keys.
Life problem from a math textbook for grade 8: "There are 20 people in the weight loss group. In 10 days, the whole group lost 450 pounds. How much weight will one person lose in 3 days."
In general, most school problems are about money: how to lend at interest, buy and resell goods, calculate the value of shares, etc. Capitalists are not born, capitalists are raised.
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Scroll down for EnglishSomething I was verbose in the early days of my blog. It must be hard for readers to read so much. I will be brief sometimes. Like a shot. And then I set the bar very high for myself. I can't keep up the pace. It just seems that I have finally broken free from my creative blockade and I do not want to stop. That's how it is with writers. Now empty, now thick.
Yesterday I went to the regional center for groceries (40 km from here). In a household goods store I began to add something to my list (which, by some miracle, I had not yet had time to lose as usual), and the owner of the store asked: “Why do you write everything with your left hand? Probably because you live in another hemisphere? "
I began to think about it. Not the first time, by the way. People ask me here all the time. From the point of view of the hemisphere, I have not yet thought. Maybe an option? As in Australia, for example, when the water goes down the sink drain, and the jet rotates in the opposite direction (she herself watched in amazement). Only this is not quite an analogue - there is water always turns the other way around. But most Americans (and the world's population, if so) are RIGHT!
They say (or "spelled", as my mother-in-law always says and often believes that "spelled") that left-handers are more creative people, because they rely on the right hemisphere of the brain. I don’t know, in my opinion, there are quite a lot of creative people with a left hemisphere orientation. Others say it is because we Americans are not retrained in childhood. Yes it's true. But that doesn't explain why, if most people in the world are right-handed (even in America), there is a disproportionate number of foreigners in Russia who are dominated by the left hand.
My theory is different. Lefties are people who have a tendency to go crazy. That is, abnormal. And they are proud of it. Therefore, most Americans who come to Russia and - after everything that has been seen and experienced here- still decide to stay - crazy. Deviation from the norm.
You better have pity on us. You have no idea how hard it is to do simple household things. The whole world is made for you... O US they rarely think. We have to adapt. For example, try walking around for a day pretending to be left-handed. Already in the morning: the toilet handle is on the wrong side. They sewed it up in the metro: they immediately got confused on which side to attach the ticket. I always hold it with my left hand, and a couple of times I entered the wrong gate and - BAM!- these black things pounded me on my knees. In the office: Try using your left hand to cut paper with scissors or click on mouse buttons. Even when we write, we have to somehow twist our hand so as not to smear the words we just scratched (oh, how great it must be to be an Arab!). All the buttons on the equipment - copier, TV, microvolnovka - where? On the right side. And this is just the beginning ... Therefore, before everyone was retrained (and in America too) - in order to SAVE on us, in order not to do two models of everything. (Maybe that's why I had to leave civilization and live in the forest?)
Once in America I found a whole store for left-handers ( and why, by the way, is not left-handed? ). Wow! Spiral notebooks on the right side. Scissors that cut with a different blade. Mice with the correct buttons. Kitchen appliances for us. I squealed with happiness - so many cool things! But then I was a student, there was no money for such luxuries. As a result, I bought one notebook, which is still lying somewhere - I was so sorry to get it dirty.
Wow. The short story did not work out. I didn’t think that you can write so much about it. Apparently the question touched me, as a defender of left-handers ( left-handed).
FAQ: Why are all Americans left-handed?
The first few days of my blog I've been rather wordy. Perhaps, it is too much for the reader. I will be brief at times. Like a gunshot. Otherwise I am setting the bar too high for myself, and I won’t be able to keep up the pace. It just seems that I have finally broken out of my writer’s block, and I don’t want to stop. That’s how it is with writers: if it is not a drought, it’s a flood.
Yesterday I went to town to get supplies (about 40 km from here). In the hardware store, I started to add a couple of things to my shopping list (which, by some miracle, I still hadn’t lost, as usual), and the storeowner asked me: “Why are all Americans left-handed? Maybe because you live in the other hemisphere? "
I got to thinking about it. Not for the first time. People are constantly asking me that question in Russia. But I hadn’t thought about it from the hemisphere perspective. Perhaps it's possible? Like in Australia, for example, when the water goes the opposite direction down the drain (I’ve observed it and been amazed). Except that is not exactly an accurate analogy - the water always goes down the other way there, whereas the majority of Americans (and the world population, for that matter) is RIGHT-HANDED!
Some say that lefties are more creative people, because they tap into their right brain. I don’t know, I think there are plenty of left-brain-oriented people out there. Others say it is because American lefties aren’t retrained to use their right hand in childhood. This is true. It doesn’t explain, however, why, if the majority of the people in the world are right-handed (even in America), a disproportionally large number of foreigners in Russia use the left hand as their dominant one.
I have a different theory. Lefties are people with a certain tendency to be out in “left field,” in other words - a bit loony (and proud of it). Therefore, the majority of Americans who come to Russia and - after having seen and been through all that Russia can throw at them- still decide to stay are simply nuts. A deviation from the norm.
You should pity us instead. You can’t imagine how difficult it is to do simple every day things. The entire world is designed for you... It is rare that anyone thinks about us... We have to adapt... For example, try to go a whole day pretending you are left-handed. First thing in the morning: the handle to flush the toilet is on the wrong side. You walk into the metro: you are immediately confused as to which side of the turnstile you should scan you ticket on. I always hold it in my left hand, and a few times I have walked through the wrong gate and - BAM!- those black things shoot out and bang my knees. In the office: try to use your left hand to cut paper with scissors, or click the mouse. Even when we write, we have to contort our hand into such a position so as not to smear the words we just wrote down (how wonderful it must be to be Arabic!). All the buttons on equipment - copy machines, TVs, microwaves - are where? On the right. And that is just the beginning. That is why they used to retrain everyone (in the US as well) - in order to ECONOMIZE on us and not have to make two models of everything. (Maybe that is why I had to leave civilization to live in the forest?)
Once in the US, I found a whole store for lefties. Wow! Notebooks with the spiral on the right side. Scissors that cut with the other blade. Mice with buttons on the appropriate side. Kitchen appliances for us. There was so much cool stuff, I shrieked with delight! I was a student then, however, and didn’t have the money for such luxuries. I ended up buying only a spiral notebook. It is still lying around somewhere, as it would be a shame to spoil it.
Whoops. It didn’t turn out to be a short post after all. And here I didn’t think there was so much to write on the subject. I guess the question got under my skin, as a defender of lefties.
Pretty soon after I moved to the United States, I heard an interesting story. As a boy, I really liked her then, because she was A) About space, and B) About how stupid Americans are, and Russians are so smart:
During the development of the space program, NASA faced a problem: ordinary ballpoint pens do not write in zero gravity. And then the agency attracted the best scientists in the country, and spent several million dollars of taxpayers in order to develop a special "space pen". This miracle of technology could write in zero gravity and vacuum, in heat and cold, and in general was the best pen of times and peoples. Meanwhile, the Soviet leadership provided their astronauts with simple and cheap pencils.This beautiful bike underlines for the American layman the wit and ingenuity of the Soviet people, in contrast to the wasteful straightforwardness of "their" people. But, as it turned out, this story completely reversed the essence of the "space pen" (which was really developed, and for a lot of money).
Inventor Paul Fischer started a pen company in the late 1940s and caught the "space fever" of the time in the 1960s. In those years, mankind advanced into space by leaps and bounds, overcoming one line after another. It seemed that there were a couple of decades left before the colonies on the moon and cities on Mars. And Fischer decided to design a pen for space. He did this with private money, and on his own initiative. It is very likely that the development really cost him a million dollars ...
The first American astronauts, like the Soviet cosmonauts, used pencils. NASA even ordered a special batch of 30 mechanical pencils from a private supplier. However, due to the special requests of the agency, and the small volume of the order, each of these pencils cost the taxpayers $ 130! When this story was made public, a small scandal erupted, after which the American astronauts were forced to switch to "simpler" writing instruments.
Who knows what it is wrapped around them?
Pencils, although they write well in zero gravity, present their own number of problems. The graphite in the pencil shaft tends to crumble, and the resulting dust floats freely inside the spacecraft. Moreover, graphite is a conductor of electricity, and theoretically, this dust could close some important circuit.
And then in 1966 Fisher came to NASA with his invention. Its technology is not very complicated, but it is well executed: the ink in the pen shaft is under pressure from compressed nitrogen, so it can really write from any angle, and in zero gravity.
After the scandal with mechanical pencils, officials did not immediately decide to purchase new miracle pens. This took two years of testing and inspection. However, in 1968, NASA still bought a batch of 400 "space pens" from Fischer. Various sources cite prices ranging from three to six dollars apiece.
A year later, in 1969, the USSR bought pens from Fischer's company for its cosmonauts. Thrifty Russians bought a hundred pens and a thousand rods for a new program called the Union!
At this point, one could ask a little bewildered, is this Fischer such a fool? Even if he sold two thousand pens to the cosmonauts of the USSR and the United States, even if for $ 10, it is still $ 20,000 in sales! But how did he recoup the spent million?
Don't worry about Fischer. He did not remain at a loss. He was selling the Fisher Space Pen to simple, grounded buyers. Having patented his space pen, he became the sole supplier to two of the world's major space programs. In the era of space fever, who could wish for better publicity ?! By selling these pens, Fischer has repaid his investment many times over.
Fischer's company still sells them! The same "astronautical" pen costs $ 60 on their website today. So the history of the space pen is the history of the prosperity of private business, and not at all about the extravagance and stupidity of the Americans ...
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